29 Is going to be the best year yet!

So almost 1 week ago tomorrow I turned 29. I was sad at first, because I am the last of my friends in my 20's. I wanted to skip right over this year and go straight to 30. Now I am embracing this last year of my 20's and I am starting to realize that THIS is the year of really discovering who I am, what I believe in and what matters most to me.

This week is our revival services at church. Susie Shellenberger is our speaker this year. I used to read the magazine that she helped to develop when I was a teen. Brio. It was/is a christian magazine for girls. I have been real excited to hear her speak.

Tonight was a great night. For the last few weeks I have been on this crazy journey that God has been taking me on. I have really felt that I needed to put God as the center in my life, not just at arms reach and having him 'help' me with what I need, but having him in COMPLETE control of everything in my life. I have been resisting, and giving in all at the same time. Weird right? Let me explain this a little better. I have been resisting it, because I AM a Christian, and I DO love God, but I like, no I LOVE to be in control. The part that I said I have been giving in, has been when I started to read 'Made to Crave' and was really convicted of putting 'other things' as the main focus in my life not God. WOW to get hit in the face with God saying 'duh Dyan, this is what I want for you, I want you to CRAVE ME!' was really eye opening. So I started to give in to what he was trying to tell me. Tonight was the night that I openly said 'here it is Lord, this is me letting YOU have COMPLETE control over my life'. He just asked that simple question 'what can I do for you?' I answered 'here God, take it, take me mold me use me walk beside me. I want to be the clay in your hands, so you can mold me the way YOU want.' It was just another step in this journey to be more like Jesus. I WANT to be the Jesus that my kids see. I WANT to be the Jesus that my friends, clients, people who I pass in Target see. I had two AMAZING Christian women pray with me/ over me tonight. One was my mother. She has always been a rock, a great influence of what a Christian woman should be. I have learned how to pray, how to love God when tough times have been over us, even when you HATE the situation that you are in. Just knowing that I have her prayer support and love helps give me strength. Thank you Mom! I love you! The second amazing woman was Gigi. She is strong, loving, and she trusts God with stuff that has been hard to let go of. She is an amazing example of how to hand it over to God. She is a great influence in our youth group, for young women to learn how to love God, how to pray, and how to let go and let God take control. She prayed for me tonight and said that she sees a fire in my life that can have great opportunity to grow into such a strong witness for Jesus. To spread his love to those who don't know him. I just hope that I can be all of that. I am blessed to have her praying for me as well! I want to have that close intimate relationship with Christ. I want him in my face, and to be the center for everything that moves and doesn't move in my life. I feel a little like Bob from 'What About Bob'...'I want, I want, I want, I need, I need, I need!!!!' but mine is...' I crave, I crave, I crave, I have I have I have!!!!' It is there, He has always been there. My eyes are just opened now to the greatness that comes with trusting God and letting HIM run my life. How awesome is that? I feel free! I want to be the Juanita James, the Doris Miller, the Gloria Willingham, the Geri McCoy's in peoples' lives. What wonderful examples of what a powerful Christian Woman is all about! They have never said that they know it all, but that they are just on the same road as everyone else is. You know what the difference is? They have handed their lives over to God, they trust that God has a plan. They have Jesus shining through every wrinkle on their beautiful faces. I WANT THAT!!!! I believe that I am on the right track to that. Praise the Lord!
So I believe that the last year of my 20's will really be the best yet!

Renewed

Renewed...yes that is how I feel...I feel as if I can go back to my program tomorrow, without ANY thoughts of "what I will be missing" kind of attitude. 'Made to Crave', has really opened my eyes to really what and who I should be craving. Yes, today I did take C-man to the movies, and I did have a little popcorn and a little candy, but I don't feel the usual "guilt" that I normally feel when I do that. I know it is because I really have focused on what God is wanting for me, for what HE has planned for me. I am worthy of His love and He does deserve my focus on Him, centering Him in my life.

I have to live my life, and I now know that food is NOT for comfort and it is solely for nourishment. I know that I am not completely healed, and it will take time, but I do know that I am on the right track and I CAN do this, but not on my own strength but with his!

I now have another friend who I will be held accountable to. That will help. We have vowed to be honest with each other, and really support each other in this. I completely believe that God puts certian people in our lives struggling with the same stuff, so we can be each others support. NOT only that, when we both put God as the center, what can Satan do to us? I have already been down, but when God has my back, I am strong and I can do anything!

I want to thank anyone who reads this silly blog for supporting me and listing to my rants and raves of this roller coaster ride that I am on, and will continue to be on. So, THANK YOU!

Made To Crave...

So I have decided that I cannot do this whole crazy get to a healthier, more beautiful ME without help. I have a friend named Kelly that has recommended a book to me, called 'Made To Crave'. It is a book about this ladies journey through her weight loss struggles. I started reading it last night, and the introduction kinda knocked the breath away from me...I felt like I was shown a mirror and I was staring at MY own story. It is a book about putting your 'cravings' into what we were meant to crave, God.
With Lent here, we have already decided to put God first in our family. Really focus on what HE wants for our family, really trying to draw closer to Him on a more personal level. So this book is right up my alley.
She talks about how she was 'loving' food MORE than she was 'loving' God. How we are meant to have cravings and that is normal, but what we are designed for is to crave HIM not FOOD. Simple right?? Yeah RIGHT!!! I love God, but I also love food...how do I admit that I have been putting food over God? Man oh man, I felt VERY convicted last night. I woke up with a new attitude this morning. I AM GOING TO PUT GOD FIRST!!!! It is NOT an option! Food can NEVER replace what God can provide for me. A satisfaction of being 'full', but not being full in the wrong ways, but the good ways. She told us what she did when she started craving something that she was not supposed to eat. She prayed, and she prayed often, because she craved often. She also said that it was not without tears that she had many times locking herself in her closet because it was so hard to 'give up' what she desired most right then. After a few days she was not craving as much and it was easier to pray.
Why is food such an addiction to me vs someone else? OR is everyone like this and we each deal with it in a different ways?? All I know is that I struggle with this and I feel like food is my crack, my heroin, my alcohol, and I cannot get rid of the addiction on my own. I need God's help with it.
So with all of this said, I know what I am needing to do. I NEED to surrender all of this to Him. I need to let go and let Him take away my 'need' for food. I think that the first step in all of this is recognizing that I am needing to let go and I DID do that last night. Today has been a good day so far, I know that it will take time to be rid of the 'want' for food and to use it for what it is intended for, but with God's help, actually God's control I can do this.