Sacrifices

Sacrifices, that is what it takes right? Have you ever been SO extremely frustrated that you just want to scream? That is how I feel right now with working out and NOT seeing the results of all my hard work. I am just really tired of knowing and doing all that I can and still being the 40lb heavier version of Dyan.

I was at the grocery store tonight and I got to taking to a random lady, yes I am THAT person at the store that strikes up a conversation with random people. Anyways, I was taking to her about her husband and some of the health problems that he was having. I was telling her that a lot of the food that we put in our bodies is just like poison to us. I told her if God grew it that way it is good for us. Aka Processed food= evil! LOL I then looked at my cart and realized I needed to live what I preached. I eat healthy for the most part, but these last few months I have fallen off the wagon.

I think that I need to not sacrifice my health for the food. I guess if I am going to be happy with myself I need to REALLY do as I preach and live the healthy life. THEN I can have the right to be mad and want to scream like a little child when I do not see the results that I want.

Runners Feet!

I officially have "runner's feet"! I have lost half of my toenail on my left foot and my right big toe is bruised! I have been told by star athletes that this is normal for someone who runs! I will blame mine on bad shoes and running downhills! LOL!!! I am not quite the "runner" I wish I was yet, but I am getting there!

why?

So when I started this blog I said that it would be my spot to complain, and to record just what I am thinking along this journey to a "new me." I wish that this entry could be a "wow" one, but it is just not going to be.

This week has been really tough on me mentally and physically. Mentally, I have been telling myself that I am NUTS! That there is NO WAY that I can do this triathlon. Don't get me wrong, I WANT to do this, but with 40 extra lbs on me it is really hard. I am working so hard, but those pounds will not come off! I have tried everything short of starving myself and nothing has worked! Do you know how depressing it is when you see good friends who have just had a baby get back to their beautiful bodies like before they were pregnant, and you are still looking like a cow 2 years after your baby was born? They are Beautiful and I don't want it to sound like I am not so proud of them for achieving that for themselves, but I am so tired of trying stuff and getting my hopes up that it might work and I will loose the weight that I have tried to take off for the last 4 years, and then just having it not work. I just want to give up, but where will that get me? I have the knowledge and the know hows to be fit and beautiful, and I am using that knowledge, but without the results! When I think about it, I know that I will always have to watch what I eat, and keep working out, but it is a real downer when I try so hard and I just can't see anything for all my hard work. I just want to be proud of myself, and when I look in the mirror I am thinking all this work for what?

Physically, I am just tired! Tired of thinking, tired of working out, tired of being busy, tired of everything! Wow that was depressing...I am just tired in general! Maybe that is why I am such a downer today? Oh well, I have to keep going, that's my job!

So I guess for now I will keep on working out, I hope that someday I can be like my dear friends and finally loose my "baby weight" Sorry this entry was such a depressing one, but that is how I have been feeling lately.