Discovering stuff about me...

Well you all know that I am usually a happy person. I always have a smile on my face that is genuine and warm and loving. I love to make people feel better about themselves and get a smile out of them. That is one reason why I love doing hair. I love the look on their faces when I turn them around and they have a great color and style! They feel good and therefore I feel good. It is like a drug to me. I feed off of peoples' happiness. When people are sad or upset about something, or even when I am sad or upset about something, I try to find the "best" out of the situation. Sometimes, I will tell you it is tiring. I have noticed that with all the weight problems and self-image issues that I have had I still try and see the "best" of it. I try to find what I like about my body and what are my good assets. For one...it is my butt and legs that I do like! ;)

So I have been pondering this today. What does it truly mean to be happy? I know what I do, and I know that I have my bad days just like everyone else does. I am a mom, wife and daughter, and sister. I love being that multidimensional, but I tend to carry the weight of being all those things around too.

When the Hubster man is stressed, I am
When my Mom is sad I am sad.
When my kids are hurting, so am I

Is it healthy to carry all of that? Yes and no! I think that I am such a caring person that I do hurt when my family hurts, and when they are happy I am joyful with them.

I think that I have come to the conclusion that this is just who I am. I LOVE being happy and I would much rather be thankful for the "stuff" that I have been given and blessed with then be stuck in the rut of being sad about the "stuff" that I don't have.

The Hubster and I have been blessed in so many ways that I can't even begin to cover. We have 2 wonderful, beautiful kids, we have a beautiful house, newer cars and that is just some of the materialistic stuff that we have been blessed with. I have been blessed to have such wonderful friends that support and encourage me day to day. I have a GREAT family who loves me for me! I have a God that loves me even though I continue to make mistakes on my walk with him. I have been blessed. That is what makes me happy!

I was telling someone the other day about what we were doing for Christmas. I told him that I am hosting at my home. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my house full of people! It gives me warm fuzzys! I think that I have been given that gift of hospitality.

Going back to the weight issues...I was talking to my Dr today and she was asking me what I think is holding me back from my weight loss!?! I told her I didn't know. I got to thinking about it later and I think that I am subconsciously sabotaging myself because I think that I don't deserve to be skinny. I feel that if I was skinny and had all of the blessings and more that I have above, then I would have everything. I feel that I might make people "unhappy" if I had EVERYTHING!!! Silly ehh?? I have so much work to do on my insides as well as my outside, in order to achieve my goals and be able to keep the weight off. It is a slow process and I know now that I cannot please everyone and right now I need to care more about myself to make myself healthy for my kids and just in general.

So please pray for me in this journey that I am traveling. It has been hard and I know that it will continue to be hard. I have all the tools that I need. It is just another discovery about myself that you would think after 28 years I would know.

So I guess Be HAPPY and Be HEALTHY!!!
Cheers to you!