Running...

Yep NUTS I am! I have decided to not only run the 10k for the Groundhog Run at the end of January, but I have also decided to run the 1/2 marathon for Rock the Parkway in the spring! OY!!! What have I done??

With all this rediscovering about myself, I have gotten a wild hair up my rear, and decided to take something that is hard and that I really don't like doing to the extreme. This will push me to "just keep running" LOL!!! I just watched finding Nemo...I know RANDOM. In all seriousness, I will work my rear off to train for these races. I know I can do it. I am just at a point with myself that I need to push myself to the next level.

I guess this will be the training that I will need to get refocused on my new image. Running is good for you and I am loosing the weight, this will help tone me too!

Yep I AM nuts!

Discovering stuff about me...

Well you all know that I am usually a happy person. I always have a smile on my face that is genuine and warm and loving. I love to make people feel better about themselves and get a smile out of them. That is one reason why I love doing hair. I love the look on their faces when I turn them around and they have a great color and style! They feel good and therefore I feel good. It is like a drug to me. I feed off of peoples' happiness. When people are sad or upset about something, or even when I am sad or upset about something, I try to find the "best" out of the situation. Sometimes, I will tell you it is tiring. I have noticed that with all the weight problems and self-image issues that I have had I still try and see the "best" of it. I try to find what I like about my body and what are my good assets. For one...it is my butt and legs that I do like! ;)

So I have been pondering this today. What does it truly mean to be happy? I know what I do, and I know that I have my bad days just like everyone else does. I am a mom, wife and daughter, and sister. I love being that multidimensional, but I tend to carry the weight of being all those things around too.

When the Hubster man is stressed, I am
When my Mom is sad I am sad.
When my kids are hurting, so am I

Is it healthy to carry all of that? Yes and no! I think that I am such a caring person that I do hurt when my family hurts, and when they are happy I am joyful with them.

I think that I have come to the conclusion that this is just who I am. I LOVE being happy and I would much rather be thankful for the "stuff" that I have been given and blessed with then be stuck in the rut of being sad about the "stuff" that I don't have.

The Hubster and I have been blessed in so many ways that I can't even begin to cover. We have 2 wonderful, beautiful kids, we have a beautiful house, newer cars and that is just some of the materialistic stuff that we have been blessed with. I have been blessed to have such wonderful friends that support and encourage me day to day. I have a GREAT family who loves me for me! I have a God that loves me even though I continue to make mistakes on my walk with him. I have been blessed. That is what makes me happy!

I was telling someone the other day about what we were doing for Christmas. I told him that I am hosting at my home. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my house full of people! It gives me warm fuzzys! I think that I have been given that gift of hospitality.

Going back to the weight issues...I was talking to my Dr today and she was asking me what I think is holding me back from my weight loss!?! I told her I didn't know. I got to thinking about it later and I think that I am subconsciously sabotaging myself because I think that I don't deserve to be skinny. I feel that if I was skinny and had all of the blessings and more that I have above, then I would have everything. I feel that I might make people "unhappy" if I had EVERYTHING!!! Silly ehh?? I have so much work to do on my insides as well as my outside, in order to achieve my goals and be able to keep the weight off. It is a slow process and I know now that I cannot please everyone and right now I need to care more about myself to make myself healthy for my kids and just in general.

So please pray for me in this journey that I am traveling. It has been hard and I know that it will continue to be hard. I have all the tools that I need. It is just another discovery about myself that you would think after 28 years I would know.

So I guess Be HAPPY and Be HEALTHY!!!
Cheers to you!

Holiday Revelations...

Well I know it has been a while since I have updated. So here it goes....

Half way there! Yes that means 20lbs down and 20 to go. Yay for me! I will give myself a good clap and take a bow! LOL!!! In all reality it has been a tough journey for me. Since we went on vacation back in September, I have been slowly letting my new "healthy" habits slip right out of the window. I have been sticking pretty good to my plan, but I have been the same weight for over a month now. I have been putting myself in and out of ketosis and that is not a good thing for my brain. By my doing that "cheating" along the way, it has made it REAL hard to stick to what I know works. So here are my Revelations that I have concluded about myself...

1. I am a food Addict. PERIOD! I LOVE food, any food, any time!
2. I am a mom. I have crap in my house that is tempting for me, and that will potentially derail my great efforts. The thing about this is my kids don't really need to have that stuff to, but sometimes it is not worth the battle.
3. I have freed up time in my life, and now that I am not running around like a chicken with its head cut off, I have time to get "board" if I dare use that word. Don't get me wrong, I am still crazy busy, but not insanely busy.
4. I USE food...ex. I am an emotional eater. I eat when my husband is upset, I eat when I am stressed, I eat when I have nothing else to do. This is BADDDDD!!!!!! I don't want to take advantage of food! LOL!! I want to use food for its intended uses. I don't want to eat when I am not hungry, or when I am already full. I want to eat my 5 (small) meals a day and be happy!

The thing is I know what I need to do to get to my goal. It is not hard when I put my mind to it. I can reach my goal by April if I just stick to my guns and not let food take over. I know that I will be able to have bread again, I know I will be able to go out to eat and order anything that I want to within reason. I have to remember that this is not just for me. This is for my kids and for Jory. They are so worth it!
Lanna, my Dr. said to me today that you just have to get so sick of yourself to have that self control that it will take to get back on track! She is absolutely right about it! Even though I am running and working out like crazy, I need to do the other part as well.

I can see myself wearing those cute clothes that Jessica ;) would be proud of! I love her style!

I know if I can be a mom of 2 young kiddos, I can do anything!