Hello again!

It has been a while...well lets just say that I have taken the summer off.  I really should not have, but when you have temptations all around you all the time it is really hard to say no to things.  I wish that I had gotten down to my goal, but every time that I set out to "do good" I would just fall flat on my face.  I have NO will power.  How do you find it?  I want to have great will power and be able to eat the right foods and exercise like a mad woman, but I just can't.  ALL of my trainers would say that word "can't" is NOT in my vocabulary.  I know that I can, but why won't I?  That is the golden question that I have been asking myself all morning long!  I know that I have all the resources and all of the tools that I need to succeed, so why won't I take the steps to make those changes?  I WANT to be skinny, I WANT to be healthy, but I LOVE food, I LOVE the way it tastes, I love the way it makes me feel when I am eating it, not necessarily how I feel AFTER the fact.  You would think that simply that last statement would be the one that would help me change how my ways are.  The simple fact that I have guilt and I feel bad after I eat something that I love, but that is not good for me would make YOU want to change. Right?  Something in my brain tells me that I am not worth it, that this FOOD that I am about to enjoy is worth it!  Is that Satan telling me this?  Is this how an alcoholic feels all the time?  That, just one more drink will be ok. That you can stop after this one?  I totally feel like that!  I just want to stop but something in me is telling me that it is okay, you can have this, you deserve it, you have had a horrible day and you can have it...

Well I am telling you that I don't want to live like that anymore.  I want to be the wife my husband married.  I want to be able to ride my surf board and know that my weight has nothing to do with the control of it.  I want to look at pictures of myself and not see ALL the things that I need to change...

This is HOW I am going to do this.  I feel as though I have to start from scratch.
 First I am going to cut sugar, that means NO sugar, no pasta, no bread.  I will cut brown rice out in a little bit, but that is one of the more healthy grains...
 Second, I will record EVERYTHING that I eat, weather or not I have "cheated".  I NEED to see how many calories I am taking in on a daily basis.  
 Third, I will start adding in my exercise EVERY day, instead of the two days that I have been doing.  

I feel as if I need to get the eating under control first before I can do any of it.  I need to get back to praying every time that I have a craving.  I need to ask God if he can take away the WANT of food.  I need to be filled with good things and not things that are going to bring me down and that will weigh me down.

Another thing that I need to work hard for is the vacation that the Hubster and I want to take in January.  I really want to work had so I can enjoy my time there and not be self conscious the entire time I am there.  

So here is to a fresh start today September 4th 2012! 

Crash Diet?!?!

This morning I weighed in at 172 lbs.  YES, I just told you my weight.  I wanted to tell you because I really don't care if you know, it might make it easier at the end of the two weeks to see how much I really did loose.  

Today is day 1 of the KC Chiefs egg diet.  Yes it is a 'crash' diet, I know I will not be able live my life on just eggs, but what I am hoping to do during this 2 week diet, is to turn off the 'sugar triggers' that give me the cravings that I have ALL the time.  

Jory and I are going to the Lake of the Ozarks in two weeks.  I will be on my boat, around a bunch of pretty people, and I want to feel good about how I look and feel.  I think that by giving my body the MUCH needed chemical change it needs will get me back on track.  

I have said before, that I really don't care what the # on the scale says, and that is still true, but when I have seen that I have gained back 10 of the 20 pounds back that I have lost, it gets me down.  

Today is the day that I WILL have success! 

So here it is...in case you are wondering what I am following for the next 2 weeks! 

No oils on salads; tea or coffee – always black; meat – never fried; no eating between meals.

Use little or no salt.

Drink a lot of water.

DO NOT ADD OR SUBTRACT FROM THIS DIET! It must be followed rigidly.  It is based on a chemical change.  The quantity of food eaten is not the important factor.  What is perative for proper results is that you eat each of the foods listed at the prescribed time.  If for some reason you must go off the diet, you must start again from the beginning.

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Day One:          Breakfast -       3 eggs, grapefruit, coffee or tea

                        Lunch –            3 eggs, tomatoes, coffee or tea

Dinner –           3 eggs, combination salad, one piece of dry toast, grapefruit, coffee or tea

 

Day Two:         Breakfast –       1 or 2 eggs, grapefruit, coffee or tea

                        Lunch –            1 or 2 eggs, tomatoes, spinach, coffee or tea

Dinner –           steak, tomatoes, lettuce, celery, black olives, cucumbers, coffee or tea  

 

Day Three:       Breakfast –       1 or 2 eggs, grapefruit, coffee or tea

                        Lunch –            1 or 2 eggs, tomatoes, spinach, coffee or tea

Dinner –           2 lamb or pork chops, celery, tomatoes, cucumbers, coffee or tea

 

Day Four:         Breakfast -       1 or 2 eggs, grapefruit, coffee or tea

                        Lunch –            combination salad, grapefruit, coffee or tea

                        Dinner –           eggs, cottage cheese, spinach, dry toast, coffee or tea

 

Day Five:          Breakfast –       1 or 2 eggs, grapefruit, coffee or tea

                        Lunch –            fruit salad (use fresh fruit only)

                        Diner –             steak, celery, tomatoes, cucumbers, coffee or tea

 

Day Six:           Breakfast –       1 or 2 eggs, grapefruit, coffee or tea

                        Lunch –            fruit salad (use fresh fruit only)

                        Dinner –           steak, celery, tomatoes, cucumbers, coffee or tea

 

Day Seven:       Breakfast –       1 or 2 eggs, grapefruit, coffee or tea

Lunch –            cold chicken (broiled or baked), tomatoes, cucumbers, coffee or tea

Dinner –           vegetable soup, chicken, tomatoes, cucumbers, coffee or tea

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Follow this diet for only two weeks.  You will have lost 20 pounds in this time.  During this time, you will have diminished your appetite, but remember, stay away from candy and the like.  You may not lose 10 pounds each week, but you will lose a total of 20 pounds in two weeks. 

A Journey of a Lifetime

    Well I am 29 years old and to say that I have been on a  journey of a lifetime might just be right on track!   

I meet my soul mate at the age of 15, here in this very church.  I married him in June of 2003, yes if you do the math that would be almost 9 years ago, when I was barley 20 years old.  We were the first out of all of our friends to get married and have babies, so I feel a lot older than I really am.  This past March I turned 29, and I so desperately bad wanted to be 30, after all, all of my friends and my husband would now be in their 30’s and I would still be in my 20’s.  Now being the youngest of my friends is not necessarily a bad thing, but growing up in a church and just having that feeling that people still viewed me as the teen I once was, was hard to feel like I was a “grown-up”. 

Now for the past year, I have been on a crazy journey with fitness, diet, and finding out who I want to be.  What GOD wants for my life.  I was unhappy with my body, so I started to workout and try EVERY diet on this planet, and with little success and a whole lot of frustration, I decided to pick up the book “Made to Crave”.  Liza had the same problems that I was facing on a day to day basis.  She was putting food above God.  She would turn to food rather than turning to God when she was faced with a problem or celebration.  When I read that I said DUH DYAN!  THAT”S YOUR PROBLEM!!!! Why is it when I think about handing something like beauty and self-image over to God, it just seems vain?  Now over the years I have had this problem with handing my life over to God.  I like to be in control, I like things to be done MY way!  When I realized that all I have to do is ask for Gods help in this and start craving HIM over food or anything else in my life, it still was not easy, but with lots of prayer, I was able to hand it over.  I have also been able to hand over other problem areas in my life. 

For lent, I decided that I would not give up anything, but rather add something to my daily routine. Jory and I decided to start doing devotions, making God the center focus in our lives.  It is had being a mom of two young kids, a wife and a Hairdresser, plus a godly woman.  I have noticed that ever since I have let God take the wheel, I have been more organized, more loving, more patient,  and full!  I was made to crave God, now I am being filled with his works and word! 

I have decided that this year, 29, will be the best one yet.  I am still not done with this journey and will never claim to be a perfect, mom or wife, but I do know that God has a plan for me and as long as I keep my hands off the wheel, and my eyes opened, I will be on the right road.  Sure it will have the speed bumps, and the windy roads, but I know that God has me and he might let me bend but he will never let me break. 

I love being a wife, a mother and a daughter…

29 Is going to be the best year yet!

So almost 1 week ago tomorrow I turned 29. I was sad at first, because I am the last of my friends in my 20's. I wanted to skip right over this year and go straight to 30. Now I am embracing this last year of my 20's and I am starting to realize that THIS is the year of really discovering who I am, what I believe in and what matters most to me.

This week is our revival services at church. Susie Shellenberger is our speaker this year. I used to read the magazine that she helped to develop when I was a teen. Brio. It was/is a christian magazine for girls. I have been real excited to hear her speak.

Tonight was a great night. For the last few weeks I have been on this crazy journey that God has been taking me on. I have really felt that I needed to put God as the center in my life, not just at arms reach and having him 'help' me with what I need, but having him in COMPLETE control of everything in my life. I have been resisting, and giving in all at the same time. Weird right? Let me explain this a little better. I have been resisting it, because I AM a Christian, and I DO love God, but I like, no I LOVE to be in control. The part that I said I have been giving in, has been when I started to read 'Made to Crave' and was really convicted of putting 'other things' as the main focus in my life not God. WOW to get hit in the face with God saying 'duh Dyan, this is what I want for you, I want you to CRAVE ME!' was really eye opening. So I started to give in to what he was trying to tell me. Tonight was the night that I openly said 'here it is Lord, this is me letting YOU have COMPLETE control over my life'. He just asked that simple question 'what can I do for you?' I answered 'here God, take it, take me mold me use me walk beside me. I want to be the clay in your hands, so you can mold me the way YOU want.' It was just another step in this journey to be more like Jesus. I WANT to be the Jesus that my kids see. I WANT to be the Jesus that my friends, clients, people who I pass in Target see. I had two AMAZING Christian women pray with me/ over me tonight. One was my mother. She has always been a rock, a great influence of what a Christian woman should be. I have learned how to pray, how to love God when tough times have been over us, even when you HATE the situation that you are in. Just knowing that I have her prayer support and love helps give me strength. Thank you Mom! I love you! The second amazing woman was Gigi. She is strong, loving, and she trusts God with stuff that has been hard to let go of. She is an amazing example of how to hand it over to God. She is a great influence in our youth group, for young women to learn how to love God, how to pray, and how to let go and let God take control. She prayed for me tonight and said that she sees a fire in my life that can have great opportunity to grow into such a strong witness for Jesus. To spread his love to those who don't know him. I just hope that I can be all of that. I am blessed to have her praying for me as well! I want to have that close intimate relationship with Christ. I want him in my face, and to be the center for everything that moves and doesn't move in my life. I feel a little like Bob from 'What About Bob'...'I want, I want, I want, I need, I need, I need!!!!' but mine is...' I crave, I crave, I crave, I have I have I have!!!!' It is there, He has always been there. My eyes are just opened now to the greatness that comes with trusting God and letting HIM run my life. How awesome is that? I feel free! I want to be the Juanita James, the Doris Miller, the Gloria Willingham, the Geri McCoy's in peoples' lives. What wonderful examples of what a powerful Christian Woman is all about! They have never said that they know it all, but that they are just on the same road as everyone else is. You know what the difference is? They have handed their lives over to God, they trust that God has a plan. They have Jesus shining through every wrinkle on their beautiful faces. I WANT THAT!!!! I believe that I am on the right track to that. Praise the Lord!
So I believe that the last year of my 20's will really be the best yet!

Renewed

Renewed...yes that is how I feel...I feel as if I can go back to my program tomorrow, without ANY thoughts of "what I will be missing" kind of attitude. 'Made to Crave', has really opened my eyes to really what and who I should be craving. Yes, today I did take C-man to the movies, and I did have a little popcorn and a little candy, but I don't feel the usual "guilt" that I normally feel when I do that. I know it is because I really have focused on what God is wanting for me, for what HE has planned for me. I am worthy of His love and He does deserve my focus on Him, centering Him in my life.

I have to live my life, and I now know that food is NOT for comfort and it is solely for nourishment. I know that I am not completely healed, and it will take time, but I do know that I am on the right track and I CAN do this, but not on my own strength but with his!

I now have another friend who I will be held accountable to. That will help. We have vowed to be honest with each other, and really support each other in this. I completely believe that God puts certian people in our lives struggling with the same stuff, so we can be each others support. NOT only that, when we both put God as the center, what can Satan do to us? I have already been down, but when God has my back, I am strong and I can do anything!

I want to thank anyone who reads this silly blog for supporting me and listing to my rants and raves of this roller coaster ride that I am on, and will continue to be on. So, THANK YOU!

Made To Crave...

So I have decided that I cannot do this whole crazy get to a healthier, more beautiful ME without help. I have a friend named Kelly that has recommended a book to me, called 'Made To Crave'. It is a book about this ladies journey through her weight loss struggles. I started reading it last night, and the introduction kinda knocked the breath away from me...I felt like I was shown a mirror and I was staring at MY own story. It is a book about putting your 'cravings' into what we were meant to crave, God.
With Lent here, we have already decided to put God first in our family. Really focus on what HE wants for our family, really trying to draw closer to Him on a more personal level. So this book is right up my alley.
She talks about how she was 'loving' food MORE than she was 'loving' God. How we are meant to have cravings and that is normal, but what we are designed for is to crave HIM not FOOD. Simple right?? Yeah RIGHT!!! I love God, but I also love food...how do I admit that I have been putting food over God? Man oh man, I felt VERY convicted last night. I woke up with a new attitude this morning. I AM GOING TO PUT GOD FIRST!!!! It is NOT an option! Food can NEVER replace what God can provide for me. A satisfaction of being 'full', but not being full in the wrong ways, but the good ways. She told us what she did when she started craving something that she was not supposed to eat. She prayed, and she prayed often, because she craved often. She also said that it was not without tears that she had many times locking herself in her closet because it was so hard to 'give up' what she desired most right then. After a few days she was not craving as much and it was easier to pray.
Why is food such an addiction to me vs someone else? OR is everyone like this and we each deal with it in a different ways?? All I know is that I struggle with this and I feel like food is my crack, my heroin, my alcohol, and I cannot get rid of the addiction on my own. I need God's help with it.
So with all of this said, I know what I am needing to do. I NEED to surrender all of this to Him. I need to let go and let Him take away my 'need' for food. I think that the first step in all of this is recognizing that I am needing to let go and I DID do that last night. Today has been a good day so far, I know that it will take time to be rid of the 'want' for food and to use it for what it is intended for, but with God's help, actually God's control I can do this.

6.2 and now to bigger things...13.1

So today marked my 1 year anniversary of running one 5k's a month. Well almost one 5k/month. LOL! I skipped a few months, but for the most part I did a pretty good job of trying to run every month. I decided to celebrate my running anniversary by signing up for the same race that kicked it all off but instead of a 5k I would run a 10k. 3miles vs 6.2miles. to tell you the truth, I hadn't ran 6 miles EVER at one time before today...sooooo, I was a tad be nervous about how I would do. Would I crawl across the finish line, would I be brought out by stretcher?? I had no idea what to expect!

So this race The Groundhog Run supports Children's TLC. It is an organization that helps kids and family's out that have disability's. What I did to keep myself going for the full 6 miles was think of my dear friend's daughter, who is not disabled in the way TLC helps out, but in a way that she is going blind...at the age of 9 years old. "P" kept me going! Every time I was starting to get tired or worn down "P" came to my mind and I prayed for her right then. She is in a lot of pain and is scarred.

I now know that I CAN and WILL be able to do 13.1 miles in mid April. The key was for me today to keep focus on how many miles I HAVE completed and keep my focus on something that will make a difference in someone's life, weather it is prayer, or the money that I have raised/ paid to run, I know that if I know that each stride that I take will help! Then it is easy to complete! I have found a new love today. I LOVE running...I have been telling myself that I don't really like running for the past year, but now after I have completed something that my mind was telling me NO YOU CAN'T, and the fact that I DID makes me have a new found love for the sport. Funny huh?

So now we are on to bigger and better things...LOL! Not really, just 13.1! Training is about to kick off in full 1/2 marathon mode! April 14th will come quick! 75 days! Yikes!